Archive

Posts Tagged ‘Bentley Williams’

Countdown to the Return of the King (Bentley’s Back)

June 27, 2011 Leave a comment

Everyone has been counting down the days until Bentley’s return.  Producers might have considered having Ashley call Bentley to resolve these concerns, but where’s the drama in that?  No, we need to fly The King across the world so that Ashley can say her final goodbye to his amazing hair.  In honor of this event we have issued commemorative “Return of the King” and “Team Bentley” shirts (all proceeds go to support Bentley’s post-Bachelorette dates).

Hold on to your remotes friends and fellow Apologists, here comes another Bachelorette episode all about Bentley Williams.

And the truth shall set you free… Another contestant speaks glowingly of Bentley

June 24, 2011 9 comments

Well, well, well.  It looks as if the malicious blockade of lies and deceit that the producers of the Bachelorette have used to vilify Bentley is starting to come apart.  In an interview with Reality TV World, William Holman opened up about the show and about the other contestants.  He had plenty of interesting things to share, especially about other contestants.  Given what Chris Harrison has said about Bentley, you would expect to hear all sorts of terrible things about Bentley.

But no.  No comments about Bentley being selfish, or mean, or derogatory, or sacrificing cats in the basement, or whatever it is that the producers think is so awful about Bentley.  In fact, William  said the following:

I actually roomed with his in the house, and nobody had anything bad to say about Bentley. Whenever I talked to Bentley, we would always talk about his daughter and that’s all that was discussed. He never opened up and said the things that we heard on TV. He discussed that he was upset that it was Ashley, but there was never any of that kind of talk.

Let’s read that again.  “He never opened up and said the things that we heard on TV.”  Isn’t that interesting?  Sounds like further proof that the producers have been heavily editing the audio on the Bachelorette to make it more sensational, and to turn the public against Bentley.

In fact, it sounds like Bentley may actually be a good guy — something we’ve been arguing for a long time here on Bentley Apologists.

All we can say is that Bentley has been judged by his peers . . . and comes out with all the class, sophistication, and decency we knew he had all along.

Is it possible that Bentley is actually a good guy?

June 17, 2011 11 comments

We apologists have always been staunch defenders of Bentley. Normally, that means we rationalize his “bad” behavior and tell you why he’s not actually as bad as he seems on The Bachelorette. To all our readers, we only have one thing to say. We’re sorry, we screwed up.

Not only is Bentley not a bad guy, but it turns out that he is actually a pretty good guy. Now normally, we at the Apologists like to create our own content. But in this case, we are pulling a Huff Po and gathering together some statements about Bentley from around the web. Check them out:

Jeff Medolla (the Mask)

I don’t think Bentley is a total asshole…I just think he liked the camera and was doing whatever…Bentley, he was just kind of like, “Hey, you know what? I think I’m going to leave…”There’s no doubt in my mind that he missed his daughter, but I think it sounds cool or something to maybe say, “Yeah, I’m using my daughter thing, but it’s really not the case….”I have a feeling that I’ll be in touch with Bentley.

West Lee (That one dude)

I really liked Bentley … he seemed genuine. He talked about his daughter all the time, so I really thought that his missing her … and then to see all this stuff on the show was a bit of a surprise. Maybe the truth is somewhere in the middle, but at least in my experience of Bentley, he was a good guy. I like him.

Suzette (the ex)

He’s a really good father, he’s really involved. They’ve got a really great relationship. He adores her. I’d say he’s a really good father,” she explained. As for their marriage, Suzette told Billy and Kit, “It didn’t work out, he’s got a lot of great qualities, it just wasn’t right with us.”

Anonymous (Fellow Bachelorette contestant)

Courtesy of a fellow blogger:  Today I got an e-mail from a Bachelorette insider (whose true identity I can neither confirm or deny, though they did sound very much “in the know”) to tell me that he’s been getting a kick out of my recaps so far this season.  He also made an argument that Bentley is actually a fairly decent dude – “funny, chill, definitely competitive, but not the asshole the show’s making him out to be.  They’re murdering the guy in editing!”

It’s important to remember that these varied characters have every incentive to take shots at him, but neither The Mask, That one dude, nor The Ex, nor the Anonymous Contestant were willing to throw Bentley under the bus. When all is said and done, Bentley critics will no doubt cross over to our side, and when they do, we will extend to them an olive branch (or at least a lock of Bentley’s luscious hair).

In Bentley’s (Beautiful) Shadow

June 16, 2011 4 comments

On this week’s Bachelorette episode, Ashley finally gets to move on after Bentley and turns her attention to the other 12 guys who are seeking to win her affection. There’s only one problem – she (and the show) can’t seem to let him go. For Bentley fans, this does not come as a surprise. Just being in the same room with Bentley (even if he’s only there to break up with you) is worth at least two kayak rides, sage relationship advice form old-timers, and a pair of orange shorts. We just can’t stop hearing about Bentley, and for good reason, the show is a lot more fun with him than without him. Here are the recap statistics for this week’s episode. We counted the number of times Bentley’s name was mentioned as well as the number of times all the other contestants’ names were mentioned. As you can plainly see, Bentley continues to play a dominant role despite his departure.

In closing, we echo the sentiments of a clever Bachelorette critic who said:

“Yeah, I guess I miss Bentley the Douchebag [we do not condone this label] more than I thought, though not nearly as much as Ashley seems to.  But who can blame her really?  Without him, she’s left to select her husband out of a pack of do-gooders straight out of Sweet Valley High.  Next week’s episode and the return of Bentley can’t come soon enough!”

Those broad shoulders sure caste a big shadow…

The Allure of Aloof

June 15, 2011 6 comments

After re-watching the first several episodes of the Bachelorette, two things seem pretty clear. First, Bentley is by far the most aloof of the 25 contestants. Time and time again, he holds back, appearing to relish in his reservation. Second, Ashley is attracted to his aloofness. The more he holds back, the more she seems to dig him.

What is the allure of the aloof? Well, most simply it differentiates Bentley from the other contestants. Not only does it keep him from coming off like a desperate schmuck (see cheesy Solar Ryan in almost every episode), but it also cultivates in him a quiet sense of confidence. While all the other guys are aggressively pursuing Ashley, trying to make the most of their 3 minutes of one-on-one time with her, Bentley casually holds back. Ashley ends up approaching him! While all the other guys feel the need to vomit out their biggest accomplishments (“I started a solar company,”) or their most tragic experiences (“my dad was an alcoholic”), presumably to impress Ashley or evoke her sympathies, Bentley nonchalantly mentions the one thing that is most likely to be a deal-breaker (and maintain his distance from her): that he’s a divorced father. By essentially doing the opposite of what the others do and what the show expects, Bentley stands out from the pack and emerges as the most authentic and genuine guy on the show (note the same “realness” gets him in a pickle during the ITM interviews).

Aloofness signals that a guy is complex; he’s likely to be a challenge. In short, he’s interesting. Like any other smart girl, Ashley simply has a hard time resisting.

“Original Bachelorette Footage Edited”—Exclusive Commentary from Bentley*

June 13, 2011 67 comments

*by Bentley we mean Bentley Apologists (that guy with amazing hair had nothing to do with this post)

In hearing from our readers we have noticed that not everyone gets what really goes on behind the scenes in reality TV and video editing.  Contestants on the show are asked hundreds of questions about many, many topics (some completely unrelated to the show). Reality producers are looking for short sound bytes and commentary to play over the video footage of The Bachelorette. The producers want to “construct” a contestant thought narrative that appears to go along with the footage. The results are often good but sometimes are a little off (like when Ashley is talking while sitting awkwardly, staring into space as if she is pondering the mysteries of the universe, or commentary by Bentley while he is packing to leave the show).

Now with that background in mind, we want you to watch two edited interview segments as an obvious illustration of how context matters: Jay Leno interviews Clinton and a Bruce Willis interview (poor quality, don’t watch too much—not that funny).  These are obviously edited segments to make the characters look ridiculous. Notice that in the low budget Bruce Willis interview, Bruce’s shirt changes due to footage edited from different interviews and different questions.  The Bachelorette does not need to deal with this editing (shirt) problem because they can just use the audio and lay it over unrelated video footage of the subject. The Bentley Apologists group contends that this is what has happened to Bentley, and this process explains 90% of the most heinous comments attributed to Bentley.

Our contention is that producers have removed the context of Bentley’s answers and the timing of the questions.  Producers could have asked a question about his first breakup and Bentley could say, “I’m done with her. She is so annoying.” If you cut out the question, the audio can be played over any footage of Ashley and Bentley, making it look as if this comment is about Ashley.

Bentley haters will no doubt say, “But he said those things. It doesn’t matter when or what the question was.” Actually it does matter. Context is everything. It’s all editing, and we will walk you through it in this post.

Click on the video links below and listen to the audio clips from Bentley’s last show (no doubt the last great episode of the season). Pay particular attention to the sound of Bentley’s voice and the sound echoes in the room in the “-edit-” part of the dialog transcribed below. It’s obvious that these are out of context comments from Bentley. Some are words probably not even from the original sentences or same interview based on the fact we never see what Bentley is wearing and how choppy these edits are.

Listen to time clip 1:05 to 1:17

[I really miss my daughter] –edit– [but] –edit– [I’m not leaving] –edit– [because of my daughter] -edit- [I’m not really in to Ashley] -edit-so] -edit- [regardless] -edit- [of] -edit- [Ashley’s emotions] -edit- [I know it’s the right decision for me]

Listen to time clip 1:31-2:08

[These tools, like these freaking idiots] -edit- [they] -edit- [believe me…   …None of them have any idea] -edit-  [that] -edit- [I don’t care about Ashley.] -edit- [I had the opportunity and I pla]- edit mid word] [everyone] -edit- [that’s something that has never been done before]

Listen to time clip 2:39-2:55

[so] -edit- [I’m going to make Ashley cry] -edit- [I hope my hair looks ok]

Listen to time clip 3:20-3:36

[I came into the Bachelorette] -edit- [hoping] -edit- [that] -edit- [it was] -edit- [Emily] -edit- [It’s like she is such a stand out, she is so breathtakingly beautiful that] -edit- [Ashley] -edit- [kind of looks like an ugly duckling to me.] -edit- [and] -edit- [if I’m not into the girl I’m not going to stick around]

None of Bentley’s most egregious comments even form a complete idea without edits.  While it might be his words, it’s a bit like watching this clip from Craig Ferguson.  You might hate Bentley for his actions, but it’s clear you can’t hate him for what he has said on the show.

Take a Stand Against “Violent Haters”

June 13, 2011 8 comments

I am a violent hater.

Thus begins Jenna Kim Jones’ latest post, where she not only admits to having malicious intentions toward Bentley (and presumably all other incredibly good-looking, straight-talking, authentic men) but also claims she is digging in for a long battle.

Well, Jenna Kim Jones, presumptuous comedic interloper in our reality-starved world, you’ll have to wait in line.  As we’ve already mentioned here, Jimmy Kimmel has fired the first shots against Bentley in a disturbing display of his burgeoning fascination with violence. Does Jenna have some new twist that she wants to bring to the debate?  A flair for the dramatic, perhaps, or a propensity for exaggeration?

Let us remind you, Jenna, that we have something you don’t on our side.  Put simply, we have the truth.  You may have forgotten about this in your pilgrimage from Utah to New York, but we haven’t.  Bentley’s inherent goodness, and the inherent awesomeness of his hair, will prove more than a match for any calumny you may throw at him from the safety of your Twitter fortress.

Bring it on, Jenna, bring it on.

Bentley Beats “Big League Chew” (Ben C.)

June 13, 2011 7 comments

So Ashley seems to be pretty into this guy, Ben C. What do we even know about him? Well, he is definitely pretentious (speaking French with a thick American accent on the first night), he’s a lawyer (strike 2), he’s a lawyer who can’t formulate a coherent thought (see rambling, maniacal diatribe about love and relationships), he uses lame diversions to get girls’ attention (see poster board scam in episode 1), he went to Tulane (strike 3), he’s a lousy dancer, and he resembles the Big League Chew guy. We Apologists like Big League Chew, so that’s one thing he has going for him.

Now, how excited are you to watch Big League Chew Ben flub flash dances and spout off love tirades the rest of the season? We are guessing, not very. Bet you’re missing Bentley now, aren’t you?

The Soft Dump: Bentley’s Forte

June 12, 2011 26 comments

We Apologists find ourselves frequently responding to comments with what should be common knowledge. The viewers with a naïve take on relationships are upset with Bentley lying to Ashley (all the time), but especially when he lied about why he was leaving the show.  People have said, “Bentley should have told the truth about why he was leaving” and they had a problem with him saying, “Let’s not call it a period.  Let’s call it dot dot dot.’ was totally uncalled for.”

The apologists have pity for people that make these sorts of comments (and who are about to read this post).  They have likely been on the receiving end of a lie that bookended their relationship.  As all smart, cool, and incredibly good-looking people know, everyone lies when they dump someone. It’s called a “soft dump,” and it’s actually one of the few aspects of reality that The Bachelorette has managed to capture. Yes, Bentley did lie instead of telling Ashley the truth, but he did this for the same reason that all smart, cool, and incredibly good-looking people do—so that we don’t have to deal with all your drama.

People lie when they know they are going to rip someone’s heart out.  Seinfeld has made millions on this “soft dump” concept. For those of you that have never been dumped, this will be a great educational tool for you.  Get the Seinfeld seasons and follow the core plots of nearly every episode where Jerry finds a reason to dump someone.  Whether it was a two faced girl, Annoying Laugh, Man Hands, or talking belly button—Jerry made millions on the humor behind the reality of the “soft dump”.  People dump people and don’t ever tell them why.

Several of you are just now realizing you may have been soft dumped when your last boyfriend said, “It’s not you, it’s me.” The truth he did not tell you was, “It’s totally you, and I just realized ‘you’re personality does not make up for your looks.’”  Or when he said, “Can we still be friends?”  What he meant was, “I don’t want to hang out with you, but please don’t be a stalker and try and kill me. You give me that vibe.” People have dumped you because you are annoying, overweight, underweight, unattractive or some combination or derivative thereof.  Furthermore, they probably lied and soft dumped you to avoid hurting you.

The very nature of the soft dump leaves open the opportunity for the future (even though there never is a future). Alternatively to “dot dot dot” Bentley could have just said, “I’m not digging you.” But this never happens in reality. Bentley is the real deal, raw, and unedited (well, probably heavily edited but you get the picture). We dig him.

Bentley Williams – What is Real?

June 11, 2011 21 comments

Philosophers like to start with fundamental questions. What is real, and how do we know it? On most commentary surrounding the Bachelorette, there is a lot of talk about Bentley being “cast” as the villain this season. This word, “cast” has always been interesting. Someone gets cast to play a part or role in a film or play. For example, there is the hero, the love interest, the sidekick, the clown, and, and of course the villain. Why is cast so interesting? Because it is inconsistent with the idea of “reality.” Being cast to play a role in real life is a contradiction, and a Reality TV Villain is an oxymoron. Kind of like Jumbo Shrimp, Army Intelligence, or Honest Politician. What many people do not realize of course about “reality” TV is that it is highly staged, planned, choreographed, and scripted. There are several reasons for this: (1) actual reality would be just too unwieldy involving too much uncertainty, (2) viewers supposedly want “heightened” real or drama (3) most of what people say is boring, and documentaries are really boring. What’s the evidence that the Bachelorette isn’t real? Well, how about the music that plays in the background each time you meet a character. Pleasant, cheerful music means we are supposed to like the character…err contestant…and root for him (J.P., Ben F.). Dark, foreboding music means we are supposed to dislike or distrust the contestant (really just Bentley this season), and silly music means that the contestant is the clown we are supposed to laugh at (the masked man, Drunk Tim, and to a lesser extent, William). The producers do the same thing with camera time comments and interactions with Ashley that they choose to show viewers. Here’s an excerpt from Reality Steve about Bentley:

“This show is supposed to find love for Ashley, and are supposed to cast guys that are wanting to be there for her and hopefully to fall in love, right? That’s the premise of the show. Sure, we know not every guy is REALLY there for that, but just the idea behind it is supposed to be legit. Well, they’ve known since the minute that Bentley stepped foot on the show, and hell probably even back to when they did his hometown video and the guy was talking about Emily, they knew he wasn’t into Ashley. He knew it and they knew it, yet they still cast him. It’s the shows fault, and Bentleys fault. Let’s say Bentley truly and honestly didn’t know that Ashley was the “Bachelorette” and the show lied to him the whole time telling him it was Emily (Remember, they started filming the night after Brad’s finale aired, so the latest he would’ve known for sure it was Ashley was the night before). So let’s say he didn’t watch “Jimmy Kimmel” the night before, and had no clue it was Ashley until he stepped out of the limo. Then why not just eliminate himself on the first night? Simple question that Chris Harrison, Mike Fleiss, ABC, Next Entertainment, and Warner Horizon will never answer: If Bentley never liked Ashley, why was he cast? They knew what they were doing the whole time because they know what the guy was saying about her in his ITM’s (In the Moment Interviews).”

In other words, Bentley’s on the show, so that the show will have a villain, so that it will be more interesting, so that you will watch it, so that it will get high ratings. The other contestants are just too plain vanilla to be able to pull off that role. So everyone needs to stop hating on Bentley. You may not like the role for which Bentley was cast, but that doesn’t mean you hate Bentley. That’s like saying you hate Anthony Hopkins for playing Hannibal Lecter. Plus, sexy villains like Bentley are way better than creepy villains.

Bentley Williams — Target of Violence?

June 11, 2011 23 comments
Bentley, undoubtedly the candidate of all candidates on the bachelorette, has become so much to so many.  For some, he is an example of masculinity and honor that will in all likelihood never be seen again (at least not on network TV).  In case it wasn’t already clear from earlier posts, we belong to this group.  For many Americans, he also stands for time-honored American values such as a willingness to stand up to the man (or woman, he really doesn’t discriminate), speak his mind, and, of course, good looks.  Most importantly, perhaps, he has refused to sell his heart and mind out for crass commercial interests (ahem, ABC, we’re looking at you here).
Unfortunately, Bentley has also become a target for some of the most vicious and pernicious dialogue in America today.  As if that weren’t enough, now Bentley has evidently become a target of violence.  Read this tweet from (formerly?) respected comedian and writer Jenna Kim Jones:
Heading to Utah for the Salt Lake Comedy Festival. Hosting Friday’s show but I’m really in Utah to punch Bentley in the face.
Flying halfway around the world just to pull of some premeditated act of violence against someone who has already suffered so much at the hands of political machinations of the likes of Chris Harrison is really just beyond words.  Going one step further and actually inciting violence?  That is a bridge too far.
Sharing your opinion in a polite and respectful manner is already too much for some — but surely we can draw the line at violence.  Whether you love Bentley or hate him, please let everyone know that you oppose violence.  Especially Twitter-premeditated violence.

Bachelorette Ashley: “I Feel So Betrayed.” No, We Feel So Betrayed!

June 10, 2011 4 comments

So Bachelorette Ashley made it on the cover of People Magazine this week. Not surprisingly, it’s an interview with her about being on the show, and we get to hear all about the Comedy Club roast and her insecurities. Also not surprisingly, the article relentlessly castigates Bentley, portraying him as the biggest jerk that has ever been on the show.

Some gems from the article:

  • “During the season’s first three episodes, he intentionally led her on, all the while giddily confessing in his one-on-one camera interviews that ‘I don’t care about Ashley at all.”
  • “Looking back months later, Ashley finds that what hurts most is learning of his deception.”
  • Producer Mike Fleiss, “We always try to tell an honest story.”
  • And the real kicker: “ABC declined to make Bentley available for an interview.”

Seriously People Magazine? You are supposed to be more ‘fair and balanced’ than those other gossip rags. Wonder if Ashley would have made it on your cover if ratings hadn’t spiked (thanks Bentley, for providing the drama) or if everyone didn’t feel so sorry for Ashley (thanks again Bentley, for being so darn irresistible to her).

So Ashley Feels So Betrayed by all this. You know who else feels betrayed?

Viewers:

They are deprived of seeing Bentley, by far the most interesting contestant, on the show for the rest of the season. Wondering if the show will be lame without him? Don’t. It will

Bentley fans:

We don’t get to see our guy, nor do we even get to hear his side of the story (“ABC declined to make Bentley available for an interview.”) Instead, we get to watch a bunch of mannequins, the big league chew guy, Glambert, Disney’s Hercules, a few celebrity look-a-likes, and the Geico Cavemen pretending to be romantic. It sounds almost as fun as going to the dentist. Can’t wait for next week!

Bentley Williams—The Only Guy With Class on The Bachelor/Bachelorette (admittedly a low bar)

June 7, 2011 63 comments

In the last three weeks Bentley Williams has been called every derogatory name in the book, and people have bought into the drama. What The Bachelorette/Bachelor series hopes you never realize is that Bentley is actually the classiest guy from any season on both franchises.

To the women, we ask:  If you were The Bachelorette, who would you prefer as a contestant? Would you rather date a guy twice (with ~2hrs of alone time) like Bentley, who feigns interest in you, leads you to kiss him, and maybe even breaks your hear?  Or would you prefer to date a guy for 2 months, who has somewhat confused feelings about you. This other guy will capture your heart, sleep with you, and  also with two to five other contestants. Days later, he will toss you to the curb in a final rose ceremony so he can pick the other girl he slept with.

Ask yourself—is a relationship with Bentley better than every single “fantasy suite” date with any guy on The Bachelor? You don’t have to be a Bentley Apologist to answer–YES!  The betrayal we see every season of the series confirms this narrative.  Evidently, each Bachelor sleeps with an average of three girls per season.  You don’t have to go far on Google to find the creator of the show bragging (vicariously) that some sleep with as many as 5 girls on the show (Way to go, nice guy Bob Guiney)

Bentley did something no other guy has ever done on the show. He passed on all this garbage, said goodbye to the show, and kept Ashley from deeper heartbreak. People can hate what he says (even if the edits are true), but they can’t deny that taking himself out of the game when Ashley thinks he is “the one” is classier than any helicopter date or fancy dinner before a final rose ceremony. Yes Bentley, I’d rather have you date my daughter over any of those slime balls that the show typically holds up on a pedestal.

How about the producers and Chris Harrison? Is Bentley really the worst contestant ever? On an episode where William publicly humiliates Ashley in front of a live audience, the producers still manage to make it look insignificant next to Bentley. For savvy viewers, this is a pure ratings ploy created by out of context answers to unrelated questions. Sensational editing has made a mountain out of a molehill with Bentley on the show. Only in Hollywood would a guy who passes on all this garbage and forgoes a free vacation be so vilified, while a Bachelor that sleeps with all the contestants before picking “the one” gets held up on a pedestal as an example of a great catch.

Why did Ashley like Bentley so much when people repeatedly warned her about him? Maybe because the producers don’t want to show us any glimpse of Bentley that might be inconsistent with the villain they cast him as. But this is the side that Ashley loved, the Bentley that is kind and considerate. We’re betting that that is the Real Bentley.

A Rose for Emily (Maynard)

June 6, 2011 28 comments

Everyone is making a big deal out of the fact that Bentley said he prefers Emily Maynard to Ashley Hebert. Guess what, so does Brad Womack (he picked her), so do viewers (they love her), and so does ABC (they approached her about doing the show first). That means that it is a virtual statistical impossibility that Bentley is the only contestant that prefers someone over Ashley. He’s just the only one that has come right out and said it.

So what does Emily think about Bentley? Her initial reaction was similar to Ashley’s – she said he was handsome and charming. Then she “got to know him” through the show. In other words, she caved to the court of public opinion, became a puppet to the producers, and jumped on Chris Harrison’s Bentley-is-a-villain bandwagon. She could learn a thing or two from contrarian Bentley (or the Apologists). Have the courage to be different!

But be warned Emily. You seem like a super nice girl and are clearly gorgeous. People tend to like you (Bentley Apologists included). But if you don’t start voicing your own opinions, everyone will lose interest quickly, and you will fade from our cultural memory. “A Rose for Emily” can either evoke the most beautiful contestant in the history of the Bachelor or a debutante’s necrophilia. Your choice.

Bentley Joins Blankfein as Goldman Chief

June 5, 2011 1 comment

The Apologists have been critical of some people’s claims that Bentley went on The Bachelorette for “the wrong reasons.” However, it seems as if the stories about him going on show to promote his business career may actually have had some merit. In an upcoming press release, the prestigious investment bank is slated to announce the promotion of Bentley Williams to co-CEO. It is widely believed that he is being groomed to eventually lead the  bank, which has struggled to shake its negative image in the wake of the financial crisis. According to current CEO, Lloyd Blankfein, “I am honored to share the CEO title with Bentley. The guy really showed us what he’s made of on The Bachelorette. He’s a sharp dresser and one of the few people with better hair than me.” Although we totally have egg on our face, we are so excited for Bentley. It’s so great that the producers picked you for this reality show so you can promote your business career at Goldman Sachs. If you can’t give Ashley your heart, maybe you can at least give her a great deal on some mortgage-backed securities.