The Soft Dump: Bentley’s Forte
We Apologists find ourselves frequently responding to comments with what should be common knowledge. The viewers with a naïve take on relationships are upset with Bentley lying to Ashley (all the time), but especially when he lied about why he was leaving the show. People have said, “Bentley should have told the truth about why he was leaving” and they had a problem with him saying, “Let’s not call it a period. Let’s call it dot dot dot.’ was totally uncalled for.”
The apologists have pity for people that make these sorts of comments (and who are about to read this post). They have likely been on the receiving end of a lie that bookended their relationship. As all smart, cool, and incredibly good-looking people know, everyone lies when they dump someone. It’s called a “soft dump,” and it’s actually one of the few aspects of reality that The Bachelorette has managed to capture. Yes, Bentley did lie instead of telling Ashley the truth, but he did this for the same reason that all smart, cool, and incredibly good-looking people do—so that we don’t have to deal with all your drama.
People lie when they know they are going to rip someone’s heart out. Seinfeld has made millions on this “soft dump” concept. For those of you that have never been dumped, this will be a great educational tool for you. Get the Seinfeld seasons and follow the core plots of nearly every episode where Jerry finds a reason to dump someone. Whether it was a two faced girl, Annoying Laugh, Man Hands, or talking belly button—Jerry made millions on the humor behind the reality of the “soft dump”. People dump people and don’t ever tell them why.
Several of you are just now realizing you may have been soft dumped when your last boyfriend said, “It’s not you, it’s me.” The truth he did not tell you was, “It’s totally you, and I just realized ‘you’re personality does not make up for your looks.’” Or when he said, “Can we still be friends?” What he meant was, “I don’t want to hang out with you, but please don’t be a stalker and try and kill me. You give me that vibe.” People have dumped you because you are annoying, overweight, underweight, unattractive or some combination or derivative thereof. Furthermore, they probably lied and soft dumped you to avoid hurting you.
The very nature of the soft dump leaves open the opportunity for the future (even though there never is a future). Alternatively to “dot dot dot” Bentley could have just said, “I’m not digging you.” But this never happens in reality. Bentley is the real deal, raw, and unedited (well, probably heavily edited but you get the picture). We dig him.