We’ve mentioned our suspicions a few times that Ames wasn’t from around here. As in not from any of the continents on the planet, or the planet at all. And likely not even from our galaxy. We should reiterate that we’re not opposed to this at all. In fact, we welcome ABC’s embrace of diversity. For all we know, extraterrestrial viewers are all that’s keeping ABC afloat right now. (It sure isn’t the quality of their programming.) Maybe on Ames’ home planet, The Bachelorette is everyone’s favorite shameful TV addiction, like Korean soap operas on our planet.
Anyway, we have further proof. When Ashley left Ames twisting in the wind without a rose on Monday night, his reactions were anything but human. First, the dumbfounded look on his face didn’t say anything as clearly as, “Does not compute! Does not compute!” So, he may be a robot visitor from another planet, kind of like a Predator drone sent to spy on us. Second, he actually winked at Ashley. We’re not sure what to say about this. What can be said? If there were a list of utterly inappropriate gestures at that moment in time, surely winking would top the list.
Just imagine the dates that you could plan as the Bachelorette. You could go on a helicopter ride, have a picnic on a mountain top, and take a yacht to a remote island. Why does Ashley plan such lame dates? Let’s have the boys dance for me, let’s just hang out at the house while I am on the Bentley rebound, let’s have the boys fight over me in a Muay Thai ring (fun to watch—but a lame date), let’s talk about how I’m over Bentley on a group date, let’s pretend to get married, or let’s take engagement photos. It’s a good thing Bentley left when he did or he might have ended up eating his words. We think JP’s Roller Rink date was just a way to get back at Ashley for her lame dates with him. Not only are her dates lame, she cries on most of the dates. Most men would rather get a tooth drilled than take a date with this dentist.
Ratings are down and producers need a fix. The show needs something to bring viewers back. Can they bring Bentley back again? Nope, they are out of footage to edit of him. Can they put Ashley in another super revealing outfit to distract from Ashley’s butherface? Yes, but that has been the strategy from day one with Ashley. The brilliantly producers realized, “Hey Emily is attractive. Let’s get her back on the show.” Unfortunately, a conversation about Emily’s doomed relationship with the worst contestant ever on The Bachelorette was dull. Yet I’m sure most viewers noticed what we did—Emily had Bentley on her mind. She quoted the infamous Bentley in reference to her relationship mentioning his “dot dot dot” comment completely out of context.
Emily, join the ranks of wishing for a “dot dot dot” with Bentley. They are the same ranks that wish Ashley had never been on the show.
Guy Smiley aka Ned Flanders aka Ryan Park got booted Monday night. This is another shining example of why Ashley is clueless when it comes to relationships. Guy Smiley has been praying for a one on one date with her for weeks now. Smiley knows that if you want to create a relationship you need some one-on-one time. Every single date up to this point was a group date with Smiley and Ashley, yet even before their first one-on-one date is halfway over, Ashley decided there was “no romance”. REALLY?! You have not even been on a date with Smiley, how do you know?
We realize that wanting to run off to live with Bentley after only 2 group dates and a whiff of his pheromones is a carnal reaction most women have. Does Ashley expect this from every guy? There is only one Bentley and we think Ashley might be using an unreachable standard when evaluating “romance”.
As possibly the biggest blow to Guy Smiley’s ego, Smiley now realizes now that unlike Bentley and Glambert he was the first to be shown the door–instead of looking for it–before a date was over (Big League Chew left before his date started only because the show’s true villain—William sabotaged him). Bentley Apologists are big fans of Big League Chew and Guy Smiley, whenever they talked about Ashley—it was like hearing Ashley talk about Bentley. Watching Ashley talk about relationships and what feels right on this show is a bit similar to watching Casey Anthony talk about parenting.
Of the many things that drive us crazy about Ashley, one of the most aggravating is the pity rose on a group date. Ashley seems to like the men that don’t really like being on a date with her. With the exception of Glambert, every group date rose has gone to someone complaining about not enjoying the date. Quasimodo seems to be the only contestant left that does not spend his time whining on group dates (even when he gets punched in the face).
Monday night, after one of most poignant examples yet of how boring the Bachelorette has become without Bentley, Emily (from the Bachelor) showed up to be
ogled interviewed by Chris Harrison and provided a few tearful comments on her and Brad’s relationship. She had a lot of things to share and Chris had a lot of inane responses, but buried in the midst of it was Emily’s declaration that she had to be honest to herself and to her heart. And that’s why she dropped Brad.
Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?
Hasn’t there been another contestant recently that bravely remained true to his heart, despite the immense pressure of a hateful public and the powerful publicity machine of ABC?
Yes, there has been. Bentley. This blog has covered Bentley’s truthfulness and honesty extensively, and has quite rightly lauded him for it. Why is everyone supporting Emily for doing the same thing they criticized Bentley for? Maybe it just reflects our society’s double standard. Women are allowed to be honest with their feelings but men aren’t. In any case, one thing is certain. Bentley will be greatly missed, and the show just isn’t the same without him.
Since Bentley’s departure, the Bachelorette is definitely getting a little old. Sometimes the show seems down right prehistoric. We are also having a hard time seeing exactly what Ashley’s “type” is. For the remaining contestants, she kept a dilettante alien, Ned Flanders, two short grizzled dudes, and the Geico cavemen. What, if anything, do these guys have in common (besides playing second fiddle to Bentley)?