Home > Bentley is Not a Jerk—A Relative Scale, The Realty of Dating, What Makes Bentley Beautiful > Bentley Knows What Women Want (and it’s not relationship platitudes)

Bentley Knows What Women Want (and it’s not relationship platitudes)


Bentley’s impact on the Bachelor/Bachelorette series has never been seen before on a reality show.  With what amounts to roughly 3 hours of courtship time (on group dates no less), he managed to capture the heart and mind of Ashley and America. He has been called “the most beguiling contestant to ever grace reality TV” and “the most important cultural icon of our generation.” As the main focus of the last 5 episodes, numerous gossip rags, and every water cooler conversation about the show, Bentley has led people to ask—how did this happen? How did Bentley gain the adoration of Ashley and, at the same time, attract the unmitigated hatred of viewers and pundits everywhere? While we don’t know the exact science, we do have an idea. There are four basic types of conversations we see Bentley have on the show.

1.   Bentley talking off screen about his interest in Ashley. As discussed by the Apologists, the worst of which were clear hack jobs that should enrage ABC quality control editing group more than viewers and pundits.

2.   Bentley talking to the other contestants (all of whom have nothing bad to say about him).

3.   Bentley comforting Ashley. The other contestants ignored her tears while Bentley came to her comfort.

4.   Bentley talking about his daughter. From the first conversation they shared to the last, the focus was on his daughter. Through sloppy and unethical editing, Bentley was villainized, yet the other men in the house universally agreed that Bentley had a one track mind in every conversation. He simply could not stop talking about his love for his daughter.

In almost every interaction on the show, we see Bentley focused on someone else, which is refreshing for viewers. There never seems to be a shortage of self-absorbed single Bachelors and Bachelorettes with proud smirks as they fill their date conversations with relationship platitudes.  “I just want to be with”… “My perfect relationship is”…”I have an important job.” This is what makes Bentley so irresistible to Ashley. Sure some men talked about hardships in their life, but it was a conversation that was still self-focused. Bentley’s conversations consisted of comforting Ashley and talking about his daughter.  So what can we learn from the Bentley/Ashley scenario? How about this: Men of America, when it comes to women, forget about yourselves. It’s easy to be self-absorbed when you are a single adult (Brad Womack and Jason Mesnick), but if you can resist that urge, you become all the more attractive.

Clearly there are additional factors we are purposely setting aside (e.g., Bentley’s pheromones are currently being studied by Johns Hopkins and Axe Laboratories). But for our purpose, a loud and clear message emerges: For individuals eager to find love, forget yourself and focus on others! Thanks, Bentley. We owe you one.

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  1. love
    June 28, 2011 at 3:06 am

    nice pic of bentley and his daughter….she has some major hair!

  2. Chris
    June 28, 2011 at 4:22 am

    Guys, take a page from Bentley! If you want to pick up the hotties, do what Bentley does. He knows how to reach into a girl’s emotional state, and make her completely obsess over him. It’s called proper pick-up technique. He stands out from the crowd, by leaving he does something none of the other guys would ever think of doing.

    You know Bentley is gonna tap it later on 😉

  3. him
    June 28, 2011 at 4:27 am

    the show was so boring once he left tonight… she is a crazy person!

  4. jer
    June 28, 2011 at 5:40 am

    pheromones! hahaha

  5. SWE
    June 28, 2011 at 9:51 am

    lets be honest, 1-10 how attractive is Ashley?
    5-6?
    Now lets compare that to Emily, 1-10 ? 8-9?

    He did the right thing, the ugly duck had to go.

  6. Areyoukiddingme?
    June 28, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    Bentley’s a jerk and Ashley’s an idiot. Both deserve each other.

  7. your mother
    June 29, 2011 at 6:45 am

    This blog is obviously written by someone with a higher education that high school – and most colleges. Your vocabulary it too high for those who what the show. Fun to read though. Keep it up. I enjoy reading your unquestionable devotion to the man Bentley and his cause. Are you his mother?

    • June 30, 2011 at 4:43 am

      Although we would like to say we have higher Ames, Brown-nosing will get you everywhere.

  8. Truewords
    June 29, 2011 at 8:34 pm

    I second Chris’s comments. It never ceases to amaze me that year after year after year people go on this show and throw themselves at the bachelor or bachelorette, when the person that gets the furtherest, in most cases, is the one that holds back.

    Here’s a dating tip for everyone: He/She who cares less (holds back), controls the relationship. I’m not saying you have to like it, but it’s true. Consider Emily Maynard from last season’s The Bachelor. It was clear Brad Womack had better chemistry with the runner up, but Emily won because she controlled the relationship. Brad was in the enviable position of having all of these women pursue him and yet he went for the one that made him chase.

    It’s the same thing here with Bentley. His aloofness hooked Ashley like a fish. In fact, to take it a step further, Bentley was virtually GUARANTEED Ashley once she was “warned” about him. It’s totally counter-intuitive, I know, but these kind of warning backfire all the time. As soon as the warning was revealed, I knew, that as long as she found him attractive, he would completely own her.

    It is simple psychology. We tend to reject what is easy and free. Warnings, like the one presented to Ashely, only create deeper intrigue. It would have taken amazing inner strength and insight for Ashley to have cut Bentley the first night. Most women watching the show rationalize in their head how they would have cut him, but they are kidding themselves.

    As Chris said, there is a lot to be learned here. With a little know how and discipline, you can use this psychology to work for you instead of against you. Learn to be aloof: don’t text first, keep your messages shorter, hang up the phone first — in general, be less available.

    I should point out one caveat, however: this only works if the person is attracted to you. In other words, if you are aloof with a person that is NOT super attracted to you…or has take or leave it attitude about you, forget them and move on.

    There is nothing you can do to make someone like you more. Sorry. But there is plenty you can do to TURN OFF someone that likes you. I’m talking about calling/texting too much, buying things (dinner/drinks/gifts) and generally being too available. It’s called smothering and no one likes it.

    You just wait — Ryan is soon to go next. He’s overly enthusiastic about how much he likes her. A guaranteed recipe for disaster.

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