We’ve mentioned our suspicions a few times that Ames wasn’t from around here. As in not from any of the continents on the planet, or the planet at all. And likely not even from our galaxy. We should reiterate that we’re not opposed to this at all. In fact, we welcome ABC’s embrace of diversity. For all we know, extraterrestrial viewers are all that’s keeping ABC afloat right now. (It sure isn’t the quality of their programming.) Maybe on Ames’ home planet, The Bachelorette is everyone’s favorite shameful TV addiction, like Korean soap operas on our planet.
Anyway, we have further proof. When Ashley left Ames twisting in the wind without a rose on Monday night, his reactions were anything but human. First, the dumbfounded look on his face didn’t say anything as clearly as, “Does not compute! Does not compute!” So, he may be a robot visitor from another planet, kind of like a Predator drone sent to spy on us. Second, he actually winked at Ashley. We’re not sure what to say about this. What can be said? If there were a list of utterly inappropriate gestures at that moment in time, surely winking would top the list.
While our allegiance is to Bentley, we can’t help but like Ames. You could say we have developed an other-worldly fascination with him. Now that he’s a finalist in the Bachelorette, he’s finally starting to get the media attention he craves deserves.
According to the gossip rags: “Although billed on the show as a ‘portfolio manager,’ one of his exes says he never really has real jobs. “He doesn’t really work. He just gets degrees and travels around.”
Sounds pretty good to us. Why is this supposed to be a knock against him? Like the other guys resumes are so great. Would you rather have him cut hair, make appetizers, or sell phones at a kiosk? He’s simply sampling from our planet’s rich intellectual and cultural heritage. Contrary to what this report implies, portfolio management (read: managing your family’s fortune) is a totally legitimate profession for a 30-year old aspiring alien actor. Plus, portfolios can get seriously crazy if you don’t manage them properly.
The article goes on to say that Ames is a “lady killer.” He’s charming, intellectual and good-looking, but he uses those great assets to get whatever he wants from women.”
Ah, yeah, or he uses his synthetic pheromones and wide-eye vision to attract them (which appear to be second only to Bentley’s rustic charm and rugged good-looks at attracting Ashley). He certainly Ames to please in that outfit.
Here at the Apologists, we generally don’t have many nice things to say about ABC or the producers of the Bachelorette, what with how they’ve been portraying Bentley and all. But we have to applaud them for one thing – their willingness to embrace diversity. No, not racial or ethnic diversity (all the contestants on the show are WASPs after all), but rather intergalactic diversity. Take Ames for instance. We like Ames. He’s clearly from another planet. Every time we seem him, it warms our hearts that the producers care so much about their other-worldly viewers to include an extraterrestrial on the show (though it is not fair to pit him up against Bentley). Sure, Ames is an alien but why should that keep him from finding love? Plus, if winning Ashley’s heart isn’t in the cards, Ames still has several options open to him including commanding the alliance Starfleet, becoming an Emmy-award-winning crooner, or having father/son outings with Zeus.