Not From Around Here, Are You?

We’ve mentioned our suspicions a few times that Ames wasn’t from around here.  As in not from any of the continents on the planet, or the planet at all.  And likely not even from our galaxy.  We should reiterate that we’re not opposed to this at all.  In fact, we welcome ABC’s embrace of diversity.  For all we know, extraterrestrial viewers are all that’s keeping ABC afloat right now.  (It sure isn’t the quality of their programming.)  Maybe on Ames’ home planet, The Bachelorette is everyone’s favorite shameful TV addiction, like Korean soap operas on our planet.

Anyway, we have further proof.  When Ashley left Ames twisting in the wind without a rose on Monday night, his reactions were anything but human.  First, the dumbfounded look on his face didn’t say anything as clearly as, “Does not compute! Does not compute!”  So, he may be a robot visitor from another planet, kind of like a Predator drone sent to spy on us. Second, he actually winked at Ashley.  We’re not sure what to say about this.  What can be said?  If there were a list of utterly inappropriate gestures at that moment in time, surely winking would top the list.

Let’s reiterate that Ames is one of our favorite non-Bentley contestants and obviously leads a great life (on any planet).  But clearly he’s not from around here.  Just sayin’.

A Date With Ashley—About as Fun as a Trip to the Dentist

Just imagine the dates that you could plan as the Bachelorette.  You could go on a helicopter ride, have a picnic on a mountain top, and take a yacht to a remote island.  Why does Ashley plan such lame dates?  Let’s have the boys dance for me, let’s just hang out at the house while I am on the Bentley rebound, let’s have the boys fight over me in a Muay Thai ring (fun to watch—but a lame date), let’s talk about how I’m over Bentley on a group date, let’s pretend to get married, or let’s take engagement photos.    It’s a good thing Bentley left when he did or he might have ended up eating his words.  We think JP’s Roller Rink date was just a way to get back at Ashley for her lame dates with him.  Not only are her dates lame, she cries on most of the dates.  Most men would rather get a tooth drilled than take a date with this dentist.

 

With Ratings Down Producers Need a Cute Girl… Anyone Have Emily’s Number?

Ratings are down and producers need a fix.  The show needs something to bring viewers back.  Can they bring Bentley back again? Nope, they are out of footage to edit of him. Can they put Ashley in another super revealing outfit to distract from Ashley’s butherface? Yes, but that has been the strategy from day one with Ashley.  The brilliantly producers realized, “Hey Emily is attractive. Let’s get her back on the show.”  Unfortunately, a conversation about Emily’s doomed relationship with the worst contestant ever on The Bachelorette was dull. Yet I’m sure most viewers noticed what we did—Emily had Bentley on her mind.  She quoted the infamous Bentley in reference to her relationship mentioning his “dot dot dot” comment completely out of context.

Emily, join the ranks of wishing for a “dot dot dot” with Bentley.  They are the same ranks that wish Ashley had never been on the show.

Guy Smiley (Ryan Park) Booted—Ashley is to Relationships as Casey Anthony is to Parenting.

Guy Smiley aka Ned Flanders aka Ryan Park got booted Monday night.  This is another shining example of why Ashley is clueless when it comes to relationships.  Guy Smiley has been praying for a one on one date with her for weeks now.  Smiley knows that if you want to create a relationship you need some one-on-one time.  Every single date up to this point was a group date with Smiley and Ashley, yet even before their first one-on-one date is halfway over, Ashley decided there was “no romance”.  REALLY?! You have not even been on a date with Smiley, how do you know?

We realize that wanting to run off to live with Bentley after only 2 group dates and a whiff of his pheromones is a carnal reaction most women have. Does Ashley expect this from every guy?  There is only one Bentley and we think Ashley might be using an unreachable standard when evaluating “romance”.

As possibly the biggest blow to Guy Smiley’s ego, Smiley now realizes now that unlike Bentley and Glambert he was the first to be shown the door–instead of looking for it–before a date was over (Big League Chew left before his date started only because the show’s true villain—William sabotaged him).  Bentley Apologists are big fans of Big League Chew and Guy Smiley, whenever they talked about Ashley—it was like hearing Ashley talk about Bentley.  Watching Ashley talk about relationships and what feels right on this show is a bit similar to watching Casey Anthony talk about parenting.

Want a rose from Ashley on a group date. How are you with pity?

Of the many things that drive us crazy about Ashley, one of the most aggravating is the pity rose on a group date.  Ashley seems to like the men that don’t really like being on a date with her.  With the exception of Glambert, every group date rose has gone to someone complaining about not enjoying the date.  Quasimodo seems to be the only contestant left that does not spend his time whining on group dates (even when he gets punched in the face).

Emily and Bentley — True to their Hearts?

Monday night, after one of most poignant examples yet of how boring the Bachelorette has become without Bentley, Emily (from the Bachelor) showed up to be ogled interviewed by Chris Harrison and provided a few tearful comments on her and Brad’s relationship.  She had a lot of things to share and Chris had a lot of inane responses, but buried in the midst of it was Emily’s declaration that she had to be honest to herself and to her heart.  And that’s why she dropped Brad.

Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

Hasn’t there been another contestant recently that bravely remained true to his heart, despite the immense pressure of a hateful public and the powerful publicity machine of ABC?

Yes, there has been. Bentley. This blog has covered Bentley’s truthfulness and honesty extensively, and has quite rightly lauded him for it. Why is everyone supporting Emily for doing the same thing they criticized Bentley for? Maybe it just reflects our society’s double standard. Women are allowed to be honest with their feelings but men aren’t. In any case, one thing is certain. Bentley will be greatly missed, and the show just isn’t the same without him.

The Bachelorette: So Easy a Caveman could Win it

Since Bentley’s departure, the Bachelorette is definitely getting a little old. Sometimes the show seems down right prehistoric. We are also having a hard time seeing exactly what Ashley’s “type” is. For the remaining contestants, she kept a dilettante alien, Ned Flanders, two short grizzled dudes, and the Geico cavemen. What, if anything, do these guys have in common (besides playing second fiddle to Bentley)?

More Proof that Ames is “Just a Visitor” on our Planet

While our allegiance is to Bentley, we can’t help but like Ames. You could say we have developed an other-worldly fascination with him. Now that he’s a finalist in the Bachelorette, he’s finally starting to get the media attention he craves deserves.

According to the gossip rags: “Although billed on the show as a ‘portfolio manager,’ one of his exes says he never really has real jobs. “He doesn’t really work. He just gets degrees and travels around.”

Sounds pretty good to us. Why is this supposed to be a knock against him? Like the other guys resumes are so great. Would you rather have him cut hair, make appetizers, or sell phones at a kiosk? He’s simply sampling from our planet’s rich intellectual and cultural heritage. Contrary to what this report implies, portfolio management (read: managing your family’s fortune) is a totally legitimate profession for a 30-year old aspiring alien actor. Plus, portfolios can get seriously crazy if you don’t manage them properly.

The article goes on to say that Ames is a “lady killer.” He’s charming, intellectual and good-looking, but he uses those great assets to get whatever he wants from women.”

Ah, yeah, or he uses his synthetic pheromones and wide-eye vision to attract them (which appear to be second only to Bentley’s rustic charm and rugged good-looks at attracting Ashley). He certainly Ames to please in that outfit.

Why The Bachelorette is like a Hot Dog Eating Contest

Over the weekend we noticed another nationally televised competition that is quite similar to The Bachelorette.  The 96^th Annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest held on July 4^th at Coney Island. The contest pits professional eaters against one another to consume as many hot dogs as they can in 10 minutes. The winner (who typically eats more than 60 hot dogs during the period) gets a mustard colored champion belt and $20,000.

While downing 60 greasy hot dogs and courting Ashley Herbert evoke similar feelings (both are likely to make you nauseous), we actually wanted to point out another similarity between the eating contest and the Bachelorette. This year Joey “Jaws” Chestnut won the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest after consuming 62 hot dogs in 10 minutes. The event played on ESPN and on televisions around the nation. But a much lesser publicized event was happening in the same city at the same time. Seven-time Champion and world record holder for eating hot dogs (among other things) Takeru “Tsunami” Kobayashi held an event on a roof top where he consumed 69 hotdogs in 10 minutes smashing Chestnut’s record. Consuming 7 more hotdogs is the eating contest equivalent of Kobayashi lapping Joey. Kobayashi was banned from the competition because he wouldn’t sign an exclusive contract with Major League Eating (yes, seriously, there is an organization trying to make eating a professional sport that wants to charge “athletes”). So Chestnut was crowned the wiener on national television by MLE president George Shea who would later call Kobayashi’s record a farce.

So what does this have to do with The Bachelorette? Just as the Nathan’s eating contest wants to find the greatest hot dog eater, The Bachelorette purports to find the best love match for Ashley. But both contests also want to make as much money as possible. So they end of squeezing more money out of the show and their contestants at the expense of “REALITY.” When Bentley was cast, Bachelorette producers were ecstatic about the ratings that would come from Bentley’s brutal honesty just as the Nathan’s contest organizers were ecstatic to have the iconic Kobyashi as their original hot dog eating champion. Yet Kobayashi and Bentley refused to play the game their handlers wanted them to play, and both of them walked. Now their respective contests are stuck trying to be the premier event while the champions sit on the sidelines. So who is the Joey Chestnut to the Bentley Kobayashi?

SPOILER ALERT (We think it’s a spoiler, but we don’t know for sure. Bentley fans believe it’s obvious given the Bentley rebound Ashley is on. Also, does it really matter to alert you when Bentley is gone?).

From what we understand, it’s the same guy who caught Ashley first off of the Bentley rebound (which she is still experiencing) – J.P. After seeing how hard Ashley fell for Bentley, it’s obvious that the love she feels for J.P. is a direct result of the Bentley rebound. At the end of the day, Joey and J.P. might get the coveted yellow belt and be crowned wieners on national television, those familiar with reality know who the real champions are: Bentley Williams and Takeru Kobayashi.

Before you make comments on this page, we want to identify that there are graphic analogies that could easily be made with a contest of consuming multiple wieners and the set up to The Bachelorette show—but we want to keep this site family friendly.

Ashley is over Bentley — I’ve Seen Better Actin’ in Tough Actin Tinactin

After watching The Soup clip from our prior post, the Bentley apologist team can’t help but to feel like the show is completely lost.  Not because of Bentley, but Because of Ashley.  Ashley is not over Bentley, every time his name is mentioned it just shows how bad she has it for him.  In the words of Chris Rock, I’ve seen better actin’ in tough actin Tinactin.  No amount of editing is going to save what is really going on.  Bentley is the guy she wanted and cant have.  Classic problem for girls.  Any relationship that will come from this season is totally tanked because of Ashley’s teenage head over heels attachment to Bentley after only two dates has now left her choosing a second best alternative.

Bentley Apologists Hits 100,000 Mark on July 4th As Viewers Search for Bentley Conversations

Originally we were inspired to start this site because, as Bentley fans, we didn’t think it was right that such an awesome Bachelorette contestant was getting villainized.We wanted to celebrate the man and defend his words and actions. We figured that no one would care since viewers are usually content to drink the Kool-Aid and accept everything Bachelorette producers foist upon them. But just over a month later, we are happy to report that we’re “All Grown Up.” Our site hit 100,000 views today as Bacholrette viewers were searching for any thing they could find on Bentley.   While it may not seem like much for one day, we have significantly altered the Bentley conversation as now more people are starting to question the reality of the show and notice the douchebaggery of Chris Harrison.  Moreover, given the timing of this event and demand for conversations about Bentley, we believe this shows how truly American being a Bentley fan is.

So where do the Apologists go from here? Bentley was our horse in the Bachelorette race, and even although he’s gone for good, we don’t plan to pick another one. Especially if we have that many fans of the site.  Instead, we are going to act exactly like Ashley. For the rest of the season, we’re going to keep tabs on all the second fiddles [contestants still in the race who are clear second choices to Bentley], while still pining for Bentley and continuing to talk incessantly about him. Hope you’ll join us.

Chris Harrison Admits: “I [Also] Fell in Love with Bentley”

Bentley obsession runs deep on the Bachelorette this season. Indeed, we’ve already seen how fixated Ashley is on him [to the detriment of herself and the other contestants], but now new clues are emerging that suggest that Ashley was not the only person on the show who had strong feelings for Bentley, which may explain why the producers continued to push the Bentley storyline on viewers. Click on the video above. You can see Ashley’s usual blabbering on and on about Bentley (she mentions him 18 times during one part of an episode). But keep watching until the end of the video when Bachelorette host Chris Harrison finally admits that he too, fell in love with Bentley. Do you think he meant love for Bentley based on his ability to bring ratings or real romantic love? We’re betting the latter. Bentley’s irresistibility knows no bounds.

Was Bentley Good for Ratings?

Say what you will about Bentley, the man knows how to attract an audience. With his swagger, charisma, and no-nonsense banter, Bentley has made this season of the Bachelorette one of the most interesting of all time. Perhaps the most remarkable thing is the extent of his impact on the show in such a short amount of time. The focus on Bentley has angered many and drawn viewers’ ire against producers. It has been implied that Bentley must be so good for Bachelorette ratings as to be well worth “messing with Ashley’s [and viewers’] head” while exploiting poor Bentley. Why else would the producers have spent so much effort editing his commentary, showing statements he made out of context, and demonizing him to viewers? But what is Bentley’s actual impact on the show.

To find out, we gathered TV ratings from Zap2It for the show and compiled them into a graph. The graph covers the last four weeks of the show including Bentley’s departure (episode 3), The Bentley Hangover where Ashley talked about him incessantly (episode 4), Bentley’s full absence from the show (episode 5), and King Bentley’s triumphant return (episode 6). As you can plainly see, Bentley’s full absence constituted the show’s nadir during the period [despite the shameless attempt to attract viewers with shirtless Bachelorette contestants engaged in Muay Thai fighting for Ashley’s affection]. Moreover, we see a massive spike in viewers when he returns to the show. That’s right; Bentley’s 5 minutes back on camera led to an increase of roughly half a million viewers. That’s an extra 100,000 viewers for every minute on the show. Are you listening ABC and Chris Harrison? Do you really think nice guys JP or Ben F. can generate that kind of viewer interest? It’s an understatement to say that “Bentley is good for ratings.” Bentley is ratings!

So Bentley said some things

People have criticized Bentley relentlessly for his “wreckless and meanspirited” comments about Ashley. We at the Apologists have argued that while entertaining, these comments are mostly overblown, taken out of context, or are simply examples of Bentley’s forthrightness. Let’s face it folks, Bentley calls them as he sees them. So, we found it amusing that some enterprising soul managed to pull together “every a**hole-ish thing The Bachelorette’s Bentley has said about Ashley.” While it may seen counterproductive for an apologist site to post something that could further damage our man’s reputation, we think it important enough to risk it for several reasons. First, it shows you what we are up against. Someone spent an awful lot of time splicing these clips together to convince viewers that Bentley really is a bad guy. Could producers be behind this? Second, Bentley’s entire affront to humanity comprises a grand total of 4 minutes and 34 seconds. That’s right, several weeks in a house with every move and statement being videotaped and recorded, and the most they could dig up was 4 minutes and 34 seconds. For all we know, he was an absolute model contestant who spent every other minute gushing about how great Ashley was. We have lots of evidence that everyone in the house seemed to like him. So Bentley said some things. So what. If anything, this video actually exonerates him, and reminds us why we were so blessed to have Bentley for those wonderful 2.5 episodes this season.